lungs filled to the brim with lead

I have another more personal journal where I keep my secrets . So no you can't have the link to it. I'm sitting hear waiting and just watching everything pass me by and its funny because its times like right now that I feel as if the world is moving faster then I am and somebody just pressed the fast-forward button on this movie of this thing people like to call life. I've been up since who knows when and broken for so much longer. I never know what to write so I ramble about the emptiness that fills my head. I wanted to upload pictures, cant find my chord. I might steal my mom's tomorrow. I make no sense I swear. It's always that line between that person we are and that person we want to be. But its the person in between we are meant to be. A mixture of the two that make a volatile mixture that makes you seem stable. Juxtapose your life and mine, everybody is a critic. Me, I'm just a cynic who stopped trying to find the good in others a long time ago. It takes me forever to update these things. I get distracted. Between texting, AIM, Buzznet, Myspace and Facebook and my other personal journal I do far to much at once. I still have homework to do. I need an idea for my creative writing assignment. We have to write fictional (well duh). I need a story line but something that isn't that typical thing that teenager write about. I swear this "Santeria" commercial for this new game "Jam Sessions", its driving me coo coo bananas. If you have super cable then you might have an idea of where I got that from. I need to find a life. I need to find some people who would actually consider me a friend because I'm pretty tough to put up with. I write strange. Don't mind me I'm just passing by on this highway. Sleeping is something I cannot do. I love my mac-book and how bright the screen is against my sleepless eyes. Bright eyed starring at the moon. Okay enough blabber lets come back to earth.

So school? What can I say about it. It's my senior year in high school and my schedule can I say, its pretty much perfect? I love all my classes. My favorites are creative writing (even if I don't have any clue what to write right now), business music, and chorus. Plus project adventure is pretty fun. I decided to try something different rather then the same old gym routine. I met some nice people so far and those who aren't so nice too. Stupid whores like to cause me drama so I'm over putting myself out there after last week. If people want to talk to me, walk up to me and say something don't beat around the bush or even if we are friends, don't complain we don't talk joking or not just get over it and say a simple "hello". I find it cool when people call my name in the hallway. Makes me feel maybe not so alone. Plus it makes me know I have at least somebody who knows my name. I am officially afraid of my stickam account since some dude came on naked and playing with himself. It was really disturbing. I most likely will go on again once I find somebody I know who has one and makes sure they always some into the room with me and be a moderator. Plus I think if Kate sleeps over this weekend we would go in to it or watch V for Vendetta since its one of our favorite movies. I want a new job. I hated working at Pacific Sunwear even if I would have gotten really good discounts. But, I didnt like the way I was treated. I wouldn't mind working at a clothing store again, just cause of good discounts. I just hated how they would make me call other people to get them to cover for me. Oh well I made 180 dollars after taxes. Noses pericing and maybe a Chi straightener? I think so. I hope I can get my nose done soon. Alright thats it for the night. I don't know what else to say. I want a new phone I hate my Razor. It's to fuckin hard to text and the buttons are getting worn out. I haven't had it for a year yet. Ha, I swear I text far to much.

I hated today. I hated yesterday. People like to ruin things and it sucks. I let it get to me which sucks more. I need to be less sensitive. I need to become the rock I was last year when people would say hurtfull thing they would get a laugh and the finger. But, what I dont like is when guys disrespect me. This guy in my class today since we are are going to the city for a trip. I dont have  job and I hate asking my mom for the money but most likely will have to. We need 60 dollars to go. Thats not including the other stuck we are going to do like ice skating and other shit. But this kid has the nerve to tell me to become a prositute and that he wants to be my pimp. hahahah no sweetie that wont happen. Please. I turned around and told him the shut up and that I'm not that type of girl. Fuckin asshole.

xo.