Melissamayhem's Blog

havent seen you in awhile <3

I have another more personal journal where I keep my secrets . So no you can't have the link to it. I'm sitting hear waiting and just watching everything pass me by and its funny because its times like right now that I feel as if the world is moving faster then I am and somebody just pressed the fast-forward button on this movie of this thing people like to call life. I've been up since who knows when and broken for so much longer. I never know what to write so I ramble about the emptiness that fills my head. I wanted to upload pictures, cant find my chord. I might steal my mom's tomorrow. I make no sense I swear. It's always that line between that person we are and that person we want to be. But its the person in between we are meant to be. A mixture of the two that make a volatile mixture that makes you seem stable. Juxtapose your life and mine, everybody is a critic. Me, I'm just a cynic who stopped trying to find the good in others a long time ago. It takes me forever to update these things. I get distracted. Between texting, AIM, Buzznet, Myspace and Facebook and my other personal journal I do far to much at once. I still have homework to do. I need an idea for my creative writing assignment. We have to write fictional (well duh). I need a story line but something that isn't that typical thing that teenager write about. I swear this "Santeria" commercial for this new game "Jam Sessions", its driving me coo coo bananas. If you have super cable then you might have an idea of where I got that from. I need to find a life. I need to find some people who would actually consider me a friend because I'm pretty tough to put up with. I write strange. Don't mind me I'm just passing by on this highway. Sleeping is something I cannot do. I love my mac-book and how bright the screen is against my sleepless eyes. Bright eyed starring at the moon. Okay enough blabber lets come back to earth.

So school? What can I say about it. It's my senior year in high school and my schedule can I say, its pretty much perfect? I love all my classes. My favorites are creative writing (even if I don't have any clue what to write right now), business music, and chorus. Plus project adventure is pretty fun. I decided to try something different rather then the same old gym routine. I met some nice people so far and those who aren't so nice too. Stupid whores like to cause me drama so I'm over putting myself out there after last week. If people want to talk to me, walk up to me and say something don't beat around the bush or even if we are friends, don't complain we don't talk joking or not just get over it and say a simple "hello". I find it cool when people call my name in the hallway. Makes me feel maybe not so alone. Plus it makes me know I have at least somebody who knows my name. I am officially afraid of my stickam account since some dude came on naked and playing with himself. It was really disturbing. I most likely will go on again once I find somebody I know who has one and makes sure they always some into the room with me and be a moderator. Plus I think if Kate sleeps over this weekend we would go in to it or watch V for Vendetta since its one of our favorite movies. I want a new job. I hated working at Pacific Sunwear even if I would have gotten really good discounts. But, I didnt like the way I was treated. I wouldn't mind working at a clothing store again, just cause of good discounts. I just hated how they would make me call other people to get them to cover for me. Oh well I made 180 dollars after taxes. Noses pericing and maybe a Chi straightener? I think so. I hope I can get my nose done soon. Alright thats it for the night. I don't know what else to say. I want a new phone I hate my Razor. It's to fuckin hard to text and the buttons are getting worn out. I haven't had it for a year yet. Ha, I swear I text far to much.

I hated today. I hated yesterday. People like to ruin things and it sucks. I let it get to me which sucks more. I need to be less sensitive. I need to become the rock I was last year when people would say hurtfull thing they would get a laugh and the finger. But, what I dont like is when guys disrespect me. This guy in my class today since we are are going to the city for a trip. I dont have  job and I hate asking my mom for the money but most likely will have to. We need 60 dollars to go. Thats not including the other stuck we are going to do like ice skating and other shit. But this kid has the nerve to tell me to become a prositute and that he wants to be my pimp. hahahah no sweetie that wont happen. Please. I turned around and told him the shut up and that I'm not that type of girl. Fuckin asshole.

xo.

I miss watching these.

So I'm going to the doctor to see if I can get better cause I dont feel like having to goto the hospital if it get worse since I'm not getting any better. I can't really can't breathe out of my nose and it hurts to breath out of my mouth. I dont think thats a good thing at all. But I just woke up for a second time and I keep feeling worse everytime. Like I dont even want to move anymore. Bleh, whatever hopefully its nothing to serious.


xo  

I walked into school todya and this girl I know comes over to me and says "You have frog legs".  Now I'm not sure what she meant by that but it sounded funny.  I couldn't help but laugh because it was the most random thing I have ever heard anybody say.  So today went by fine I dont know. But if anybody watches Rock Of Love with Bret Micheals.  I'm so happy Lacey left.  I hated her she was an annoying bitch.  I swear if I was on the show I would have punched her in her mouth.  So yeah my dad came over like he does every weekday morning since I'm a spoiled ass brat who's to baby to walk down to the end of my block to wait for a bus in the freezing cold at 6:45 in the morning.  Yeah ok, it was 63 degrees this morning in New York and I hate jackets unless its like a hoodie.  Ha no thanks.   But he said that we can goto the Broncs this weekend to visit my mom's cousin who's basically like my aunt since her and my mom are so close.  My uncle had a heartattack recently he's k he had triple bypass surgery on Friday and he's doing fine so my dad wants to take us to see him. Since in the Broncs there is a store called Manic Panic which is kinda like a punk store I guess I dont know but it sells hair clip-on extensions and until I can get the real thing I go cheap-o loser on them and buy clip-ons hahaha.  So far I only have black ones but I want colors so I can have fuckin color in my hair,  just the thing is I like change and I like having fun with color in my hair because it makes me stand out and be different instead of another face in the crowd.  I've always been know as the "little sister to Tiffany" so I'm basically expected to be a certain way when some teachers see me.  But the thing is me and my sister are total opposites,  I'm like the oddball in my family. My mom hates it she thinks I'm going to join the circus when I'm older since I like having color in my hair.  I'm afraid to die my complete head, I most likely would eventually when I get the guts but otherwise I am way to scared cause I don't know

1. How it would look on me.
2. If I'd acutally like it.

So yeah. Thats really it for now. I'll prob make a video blog later about my day.  I'm going to sound funny cause I'm kinda sick and my throat is all like fucked.  So expect one. I promise to make one lol.



xox

Alright I know I promised a video blog like forever ago and I never uploaded one. Its cause well me and Laura really just had more fun watching them and making our voices sound silly. Yeah such kids. But I'm tired of people and not just people I considered "friends" and actually my family complaining that I'm changing. No its just because you haven't noticed who I really am in I don't know how long. I've been this way forever but ever since my dad left everything I do now is under a microscope. So even though he can be an arrogant bitch Kanye Wests newish song "Stronger" most definitely applies to me. Fuckin nobody is going to break me down. Wow I sounded fuckin stupid hahaha.



Alright so I'm thinking of doing my hair. I want to keep it black. I had red tips forever ago so now reddish colors. I was thinking blue and purple with maybe white streaks in my hair like all over and then blue and purple in my bangs. What about green? I don't know I might make a poll later asking about it. But if you have any ideas of colors that would be awesome.


I just got a mac book yesterday so be expecting a lot of updates now since I have iSight and can make videos easily now since my camera was kinda crappy at that. I'm not totally use to using iChat yet. It's kind of annoying the way the whole thing is set up and me and my friends type really long messages and send long shit through it. Well before that let me tell you the story about my crappy ass Compaq laptop that made me switch to fuckin macs in the first place. Alright so I bought my very 1st laptop when I started my freshman year in high school so I could take all my music and other files off my parents computer. The second year having that thing. The fucking adapter pack and in case your unsure of what I'm talking about. Its the thing that you plug into the wall to recharge your battery and yeah that thing. haha So that would start beeping and not charge my battery. We brought it back to the place were we bought it they sent it out I didn't have it for like 3 weeks. I got it back they didn't fix the problem. I had to send it out again. Another 3 weeks. I get it back new adapter everything was replaced except the hard drive so none of my memory (thank fuckin god) was lost. I think it was February since it happened when my parent's first told me my brother and my sister about the separation. So that took about another month to replace. Since then it would just over-heat and shut off the fans wouldn't cool it down at all. It would freeze during the start up and yesterday I saw that the thing you plug into your computer to charge it or make it run of electrical energy instead of the battery was actually like ripped apart and the wires were snapped and the thing around the wire was peeling off. On top of that keys were popping off like crazy and would get jammed even if there was nothing stuck underneath them cause I have a tendency to eat while I'm up late typing up essays for my classes the next morning. But yeah so I give a big thumbs down to the Compaq laptops. My dad has a dell which I like to use when I goto see him. Its nice. But I like my mac book. Its perfect for me because its small and light and easy to use. Just getting adjusted will take some time but I've used mac about a million times since my mom and my brother both have Mac desktops. Plus I love all the things that come with it like photobooth and garageband which are the two programs I love playing with when I'm bored.

So yeah just give me your opinons on what colors you think I should do in my hair. Thanks guys.




xox

last night was kate's party. i had a great time cause laura was there and so was kate. but i felt awesome when she did the candles and called up me and laura. even though it was simple what she said and the sincerity in her voice just made me smile so much it was great.

laura and melissa.
this candle goes to two really close friends of mine that are also best friends themselves. laura we met in i think 5th grade religion class and then you were in my class in 6th grade also. we stopped talking up until 10th grade and im so glad we found eachother again. melissa we met through laura and we instantly clicked just like me and laura did. i love talking to you guys so much because you always have good things to talk about and always make a good point. unlike most people i can actually see us all being friends for a really long time. so laura and melissa will you please come up and light my 14th candle?

hearing that. and now just reading it. gives me the biggest smile because beside laura and lisa. kate is the one person i know i can always count on. like i love our silly convos at three in the morning that make no sense at all at times. the amount of times we have played cry_wolf and complained that we werent wolves or cheated to help the other as a wolf. its always so muuch fun and i love it. so kate yeah when you read this. your not a bad friend even if you think you are. you arent cause. your human your not perfect you make mistakes. but you know when to own up to them. so yeah i love you "cuzz" hahaha. ah we are way to much. i've been thinking what the most important word in anybodies relationships with people. "best friend" now that is a big tittle in give somebody and i really think the people who say they have about 20 best friends is lying and trying to hard to be everyone's friend. personally i think that you cant have more then maybe 4 best friends. i have three and none of them have screwed me over. they always tell me whats best for me and of course i dont listen to them. ha, but they alwyas have my best interest in mind and yeah you know we do fight but i swear i thank god, i thank whatever the hell is up there that they are in my life. and i know it really sound corny but when you find such great people in your life you notice you really dont need to have any stupid boys or stupid anything that just messes your head up. so i know that maybe lisa wont be able to read this. but laura and kate i just wanted to tell you guys that your the most amazing people ive met and i wouldnt be the person i am now, stronger and better off then i ever was; if i never met you guys. so thanks. the three of you can always make me smile.

now on to that ever important term of best friend. to me best friend means that the person is always there for you even if you are sometimes really stupid like i am sometimes and even though it might be annoying when i get like that they still put up with my shit. which i find amazing cause people always walk out on me. im always sitting there and just watching them walk out on me. just like thats what i call a best friend. like if you can sit there and listen to me rant and complain or say my famous phrase "im so fuckin confused" and just tell me the truth, even if we do get into arguments sometimes but just its nice to be able to say i have those people. do i have very close friends? yes i do but i dont feel i have the same relationship with them as i do with laura lisa and kate. but i feel so honored and privileged to be able to call somebody my best friend. but not just one person. three awesome people who dont really get how they have affected my life.

xo.  

so im going to be sleeping at my friend lauras house tonight
we will most likely make a video blog
so when i come home on saturday i will edit it  maybe if i feel like it
and then upload it =)

xo.